Below are the 14 most recent journal entries recorded in count_tuckula's LiveJournal:

Wednesday, June 25th, 2008
10:34 pm	I would like to purchase a pound of nuts THATS A LOT OF NUTS!! Anyway. Oh crap, whast the default font on here? anyway.. So I have decided Niko Bellic's life is far more awesome than mine, but that doesnt mean I shouldnt live mine. I just shouldnt be stealing firetrucks and hosing down hookers. So I have been rather melancholy lately, A little depressed. I understand quite well other people got bigger problems than me, but dammit, sometimes ya just feel down. I get off of work and have no idea what I should be doing. Seriously, I sit on the couch and stare , wondering what it is I need to do untill Uriah comes home and I can annoy her to give me some advice on things to do. Which, is not wholly fair to do, but I am a bit lost at the moment. Yesterday I caught a good friend shopping at the drugstore, with quite the guilty look on his face. He was almost terrified it seemed that I caught him. At the drugstore. Which is weird, but humerously adorable. So I captured him and made him entertain Uriah and I for the evening, which was good, otherwise I mighta just kept driving until the sun rose. My dreams have been kind of awful lately, Which is a shame. They come, they go.They have been gone awhile thanks too good mojo, but this last week they have returned with a fury. I dont even know how manytimes I've woke up clutching my face, screaming, or terrified to look over the bed. Well, thats just a ton of fun aint it? Cant be all bad I guess. I did cook a fabulous steak this evening, just right. Perfect. Even temp'd it out, 133 for Uriahs, 126 for mine. Now thats a fine steak. EDIT:: Ok I found the clip that inspired my soulgrinding subject of this message and I feel it is a disservice to those who "Dont get it" to not post it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MDyQ4NAUlR4 Hopefully that worked   Current Mood: confused (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, June 19th, 2008
7:37 pm	Ok, well this shall be a strange trip for some of you, bored yawnings from others, and "Who the fuck is this guy Tuck?" from even others. The truth? Why even write this blog... its not private, its public, but LJ is kind of the 'oldschool' blog, most people have moved on, and hell I think I've only like maybe 10 people on here that know me. However, in the interests of wholeness, and for Leigh's sake who hasnt heard word 1 for like 3 years, I should elaborate and perhaps, reflect on things. 3 years ago found me in school, working at Wheatfields Bakery, and probably obsessed about Warhammer 40k and gaming in general. I had met a lovely woman named Uriah, and was contemplating quitting smoking soon as finals were over. Well its been three years, and I have quit smoking, (I put down the packs 2 and a half weeks ago) I am still with the lovely lady, whom I continue to live and love with.  I left the bakery about 9 months ago, which was a very sad day indeed, however I did land a job, which I continue to believe is my dream job. I work as a Homeless Outreach Worker for the local Mental Health Center. A good job for me I am told. I'm apparently very nice, outgoing, and kinda smelly, so I work well in the field. My days normally consist of listening to people who are usually mentally unbalanced, direct bird traffic, and down on their luck. I help em get to doctors appointments, find housing, and get benefits they didnt know they qualified for. While my job has become a huge part of my life, I'm unsure how much I can ever really talk about it on here, HIPPAA rules and all of that, confidentiality is very important. However, If I have a bad day and start ranting about something in /extremely/ vague terms, just try to empathize with me, cuz It probably is a lot suckier than I can explain.  Warhammerwise I just havent had the energy. All my friends who play (cept one) have moved away to KC, and dont come up to play anymore. We are getting old, time is too scarce to devote a bunch of time to little minitures. Although, I still keep everything, hopeful for the day someone shows some interest again, I do love the game, but it takes two to tango. I kinda dream for an excuse to clear off my painting table and go at it for hours on little army guys. Gaming in general: Lovin it. Just ran a fabulous Shadowrun game with some people who dont normally game often (read: Ever) and it was a pretty good success, despite its kinda poof ending with no real closure (real life again taking over) My old gaming group is now just one day a week, and in KC so I have to drive to see the gang, but its good. We talk almost as much time as we roll dice, We have cookouts, and sing songs waving pints of beer around. It is a tremendous time; although I find myself always sad on the drive home. The 40 minutes alone in the car leaving my friends behind always sets me in a slightly depressed mood. It's as though I am leaving the past behind me, only to revisit it next week. It makes me crave more local gaming so I can avoid this whole contemplation post game. Ummm... I got new glasses for the first time in like 5-6 years. It's crazy how everything slowly begins changing from freakout vision and more into focus. Kinda meditated on this the other day at the lake. Watching the water slowly, imperceptibly come more into focus, my eyes slowly getting comfortable with the way things appear to them now. I cant notice a change, its impossible, but I like to pretend like I can. I decided a few things the other week during a slight emotional crisis. 1 I do not care to be a father. I do not like children, and I look at myself, and think I have nothing good to pass along to the future of this world. Aythign I have worth giving is something I can give to anyone, or an adopted child, so fathering my own does not interest me in the slightest. If I ever want kids, I want to take someone that got left behind, pick them up, and help them forward. 2 If you are Pro-life you should probably be anti fertilization clinics. You know how many embryos get torched there? 3 God-damnit I'm Wiccan. I always hoped to be one of those wacky solo "Pagan" fellows, refusing to be put in some spiritual box. And so many Wiccans drive me crazy, but dammit, I cant deny my beliefs, tool use, and feelings. Like it or not I'm a mutherfuckin Wiccan. /sigh/ I mainly avoided the Wiccan label because I kinda despise alot of Wiccan behaviors, much like I left Christianity because of so many Christian behaviors. 4 I'm more determined to get my tattoo as ever, but the spot still eludes me. I will begin using permamarker  or henna to try out a few places. The tattoo, a simple Dog's Paw means a lot to me, perhaps more than some might realise, but it is a private, a sacred way to symbolize my totems reach across their world to mine, and a bit of a dedication. Ok well that was a bunch of crap to spew at people. sorry about cramming your screens with a bunch of mindless dribble. IF someone wishes to enlighten me to the mystic LJCUT ability (I dont know how) I can keep the rantings to a minimum unless you really wanna read about it. Live as though your life depends on it Current Mood: melancholy Current Music: Nick Cave (Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 17th, 2008
7:07 pm	Hrm.... Hello digital world? Hrm... Well so wow its been three years and I havent said a peep, Hell I havent even been lurking. For the most part I forgot this thing existed *blows the dust off the typing skills* So where do I begin? Life is very different now than my last post. Interesting getting a little perspective looking back. Well.. Maybe I'll use this as a journal again, or not, not sure... It is an interesting thought, meeting people, reading their thoughts, finding old friends, dodging old enemies, and in general, letting some thoughts flow. Hell, isnt like 'myspace' or 'facebook' popular now? I havent even touched those sites.. Well, regardless, maybe this evening or tomorow I will post some thoughts give a little reflection into my last three years, and see where that gets us. Current Mood: contemplative (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 29th, 2005
12:21 pm	wow again long time no post i never post in LJ, im too busy with my boring life. In resaponse to my last entry, the test was ruled a failure as /one/ read that ONE person passed the test. hello, it was me :) everyone else got 50% or less, so test had to be revamped on a curve, and naturally this means i got an a. hooha! other than that, despite my quite possible graduation this semester, academic power is fading... one week to go and count them,./5/ final papers and /2/ presentations and one test. WOOOO! in one week. how do i get into this? im not sure, but it better have been fun, cuz this, isnt. other news.... Warhammer, no one plays anymore... missing it terribly. Shadowrun, new edition. gotta check it out, seems pretty cool :) D&D with a few friends... maybe? Gaming groups. My normal hardcore group is having issues.. we swap night in KC or lawrence, but the KC nights are always such a pain in the arse, but we are trying shadowrun out, and i so wanna get a feel for the system. We have a good group together, but after the mild dissapointment of our WOD mortals game, lil wary of shadowrun, lets give it a go however, shall we? 2nd gaming group. ive started one with my GF, her best friend, and a mutual friend of mine. Its pretty good, we did some shadowrun a while back, not my best GMing, but notmy worst. Now we are gunna try some D&D, not sure how its gunna work, Dave hasnt run D&D in years, and stopped at 2nd edition. but ive got faith in the guy. just hoping for a serious game where we can really push our gaming powers to the limits. All we gotta do now is find a 4th player and we would be rocking. so manythings i wanna do, so little time. after this next week tho, its all over, maybe we will find out :) then its christmas. goddamn, and after college is thru, no excuse not to quit smokoing... looks like its that time. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, September 22nd, 2005
12:15 pm	the battle has been lost omfgwtfbbqlolimholmfaobrbDOA totally fucking screwed. The midterm was horrible. I left the test feeling shattered. Litereally destroyed. I must have bombed the holy hell out of it, carpet bombed the test. Dropped a nuke. Rode fatboy down to the screaming populace below. Im sure i got an F, which is horrible. I really studied for this test. I was in a study group at the library untill almost 1am, i had over 20 pages of detailed notes. Ive read the 300 pages for the test twice. I woke up early for the test, i crammed over all my notes for over an hour before the test. I might /MIGHT/ have gotten 50% right. 20 questions, each question worth over 1% of my grade in the class. Asked about things i cant remember ever hearing of in class. My study group? never touched some of the topics. I even had a studyguid that pointed out key things from every chapter. All of those key things were then pored over by my study group, turned into a printed test prep review. Seemed like none of it was on the test. This class is required for me to pass with at least a C in order to get my degree. Soc 310, Research and methods. seems this wont be my last semester after all, since ill be needing to go to school again to pass this fucking pissy trickquestion bullshit test Current Mood: crushed Current Music: crying my fucking head off (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 20th, 2005
5:08 pm	a word about war a number of exciting, yet nothing happening things lately, with a war theme. (random update) ive finished building my monolith. its not painted yet, but i went extremly overboard. i wirred up a LED light system inside of it so the crystal on top blinks, and the portal doors glow. an extreme effort, for a minor detail, but its pretty cool lookin :) Ill post some pics some day. I certainly hope everyone who reads this celebrated sept 19th the way you should. It is, as we should all know, International talk like a Pirate day. I celebrated it by playing sid meirs pirates all day, and had a blast. The game must have access to my computer clock, and the game makers must have had a sense of humour, because for monday only, the speach in the game was changed to be extremly piraty. It was awesome :) School is very difficult, driving me crazy, but as tests arrive, students are banding together in study groups. The concept of a study group feels somehow related to war, as students are gathering their forces and plotting strategies for the test. Kind of hilarious, when i think about it. I have a new Gmail account, manos.torgo@gmail.com for those of you who dont get the name, youve not watched enough MST3k. Brednen was in town for some time on leave from the Airforce, which was alot of fun, we got pretty drunk and told old stories for a few days, was a great time. hrm, i think im out of rambling, more to come, as always. Current Mood: amused Current Music: Joy, VNV Nation (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 24th, 2005
6:52 pm	no reason whatsoever wow, havent updated in years it seems... Well anyway, so school, last semester is starting now. And its insane. I have a really nice research teacher, a batshit crazxy hippee us in global context teacher, a total bitch who wants to tell me what real community is, and a lady teaching me both about religion and gender-who wont stop staring at the cieling and moving. I swear, its like shes dancingh, i watched her and the clock once, she didnt stop pacing for 15 minutes once, took a drink, and went right back at it. anyway, 15 credits, 2 300 levels, 2 500 levels, one 650 not sure how im gunna make it, but yah, here i go! More to come once i have more time to write :) (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, April 4th, 2005
10:31 am	Fuckin Vultures. (A Random Update) I never update livejournal. Only when i am annoyed. Guess what. Im annoyed. Uriah and I DLed the Everquest 2 demo since it looked nifty and played for free for awhile. Yah it was spiffy. Yah it was beautiful, yah it was really really really addictivly fun. But. Its a 50 dollar game, which costs 15 dollars a month. 15.... Doesnt sound like a lot... but we both want to play together.. Thats 30 a month. 30 a month for a game we could get bored with, or say, have to do other stuff and couldnt play every single day... What irks me about this, is that its not nessisary. Sure you say, but they gotta pay for the servers and the like. Point taken, however Counter Strike, the WORLDS MOST POPULAR ONLINE GAME is free. Add in every other mod for half life or half life 2 and, their all free. Just for 50 dollars at the store to get the core game you get about 12 current online games for free, and more to come. Look at Diablo 2. 2nd most popular online game in the world (at least in its time) and it was free. It hosted huge servers with many admins, and it was FREE! It is stupid, and cheap, and greedy to demand money every month to play a game. Thats what sucks about online roleplaying games. Im fucking so happy that my roleplaying books dont lock every month unless i pay 5 dollars to read them. Ok rant over. More to come when im rested. Current Mood: irritated (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, December 11th, 2004
9:46 pm	oh man im pissed Give me a freakin break. Yushanko has been poisoned. I knew it. I told Uriah a day ago that "I bet he was poisoned by the government" the next day, yup hes poisoned. Goddamnit. I know it doesnt effect me in anyway, but its so shitty. This guy lead his people into the streets for almost a week of peaceful protests not to elect him, but to have a fair election where the people truly chose their leader. He declared the ruling class had fixed the election and they were corrupt. Few weeks later, poisoned. how ironic. The one freedom fighter in the news, and hes poisoned by the government. God... I hate this world. On an up note, schools almost out, just need to finish up these last tests and papers and then..... relaxation (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, November 18th, 2004
5:43 pm	My head a-splode WTF.... Ok 2 weeks ago, Uriah is held up at her job, guy steals 200 cash money, tries to lock her in the bathroom, she laughs it off. This has her put her 2 weeks notice in 2 days before she is free of the hotel once and forall, she is robbed again, this time at gun point. Im gunna kill the mutherfucker. i cant believe that shit... im so pissed, and at the same time so fucking happy shes allright. My head is awash with allsorts of emotions. Ive been taking my aggression out in the wheatfields walkin cooler, screaming my head off. The police are skeptical because it is the same girl at the same time right before she quits. They searched her stuff and her car and questioned her for hours. COME ON!!! Does Urie look like the person to fake a robbery so she can steal 60 bucks?? Fuck no. Shes got tone of money in the bank. And the fucking manager still didnt put tape in the cameras so theres no proof. Im gunna fucking shit myself with frustration. But, I gotta stay cool. Gotta be mellow and try to be here for her and be strong. Gotta be dutiful protective boyfriend. I accept that job willingly, its just hiding my anger and frustration and worry which is difficult, but i cant stress her out over this. She has quit her job finally, and nw she can heal, and build back up. By god Im gunna be with her every step of the way. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 3rd, 2004
2:54 pm	Update on the end of the world Always forever and a day, but no-one reads these anyway. The sky is falling, the race is over, and 53 million idiots cast their vote for total world anihlation. I walked around campus today with a big "The End is nigh" sign, and everyone seemed to agree. The most troubleing thing is that everyone I know thinks this election turned out stupid. How come it did? Which people actually voted four more years of Destruction? I dunno. But when I go crazy over this, you can be damn sure Im going to use a newly legalized fully automatic assault rifle. Ive always had little faith in Americans to make the right decision. Now I have no faith. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, September 20th, 2004
7:25 pm	useless post of DOOM! Ok, whats new? Well ive been slashing my fingers trying to remodel most of the Chaos Space Marines Uriah recieved over ebay. Im no king modeler by any sretch of the word, but man, these guys suck ass! People with hideous paintjobs and badbadbadbadbad modeling jobs. ick. But its all done, and its her job to paint them. :) She doesnt model too much, I think the fact her first model took an hour to glue the arms on and then she found out the gun was backwards discouraged her a lil :) But its done. Damn computer still hasnt arrived, but Genna is going to buy my old computer, so once it does show, ill be soooooo happy. School is going ok, I hate papers, and Im behind on the reading, but Im trucking on. Got a raise at work, HOORAY! And a new waterpipe finally (Id like you to meet, Resinator 2: Judgement Bong.) Went to the local gaming store's Warhammer tourney, and out of 10 people I got 2nd place and a free box of troops, not too shabby I must say :) Well, Im off to clean the house, ITS OVER! (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, August 30th, 2004
12:39 pm	The long awaited breathtaking sequal to Tucks Underground! Ok, well its been forever and a day since i last posted, but lets try to play catchup :) I finished my move in with Uriah, and it is fantastic living with her. I couldnt dream of a better roomate situation. We do everything together, have zero stress regarding bills and who pays for what, and both do our fair share of the cleaning. The night/day schedual thing is a little of a bitch, but no way around that currently. The apartment is fantastic, a huge living room, a computer room and a bedroom, big kitchen too. We have 9 bookcases and many crates and boxes of books left still to find a home. The one problem with the place, the WAR. We got a roach problem, but we seem to be winning... I guess... The building is infested, and as such makes it very difficult to actually 'win', but we seem to have killed scores of them and there are less and less daily. (Or im just optomistic right now) Work is going fine, I now only work 3 days a week which makes me happy because my school this semester is gunna kill me. All 300+ classes, one 500 level. All of it sociology. ick I hate Soc theory. Just bought a new computer last night... Not sure I have the money for it, but I couldnt pass up the deal. 2.8ghz, 512 ram, 128 meg vid card, and 120gb space all for 460. Not a terrible deal at all, I just need to make sure i can pay for it! :) Uriah's purchased some more of her chaos space marines army for Warhammer. Which is actually pretty cool you who scoff :) Her painting is incredible, and she picked up most of this stuff on the cheap, like less than half price for most of it. I cant wait untill she has her troops assembled and ready to die by my hand *grin* OH, I live with two cats. They are sweet lil things, but they are... cats.... not my fav animal, but at least we seem to have mutual like and respect for each other. Well, thats about it for now, In a week or so Im going to post some pics of the new place... I cant wait to show it off :) Current Mood: chipper Current Music: humming of computerlab 'puters (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, August 29th, 2004
6:28 pm	First Post This post is just so my people can respond and send me vital info, ill update once i get a breath... :) Hello Urie, Katy, Tarvis and Petah! (1 Comment |Comment on this)